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User talk:Bish .whut
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the Moccus page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! EmpyrealInvective (talk) 23:06, February 16, 2015 (UTC) Story deletion Your story has been deleted because it doesn't meet the wiki's quality standards. If you feel that it did meet the standards, please state your case on Deletion Appeal. Make sure you follow the instructions to the letter there, or your appeal will be automatically denied. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO REUPLOAD YOUR PASTA. If you upload it again, you'll receive a 1-day ban from editing, as per the rules. Read the Deletion FAQ for details on the 'what' and 'why' of the deletions we make. Read this guide and these blog posts for further details on how you can improve your story/stories to make them meet our quality standards. For additional help, submit your story to the Writer's Workshop for feedback. | creepypasta.wikia.com | [[User:Underscorre|'Under']][[User talk:Underscorre|'Scorre']] | Underscorre (talk) }} 23:14, February 16, 2015 (UTC) Re: Story As I didn't delete the story, I cannot sum up the issues Underscorre (the deleting admin), but I can tell you the issues I found in your story. Formatting issues: this is how your stories appear: These dreams, they seem so surreal and lifelike. The thing with its evil raspy voice and its silhouette tall and lanky. What could it be. I haven't slept in days. I want to go to sleep but I shouldn't take the risk.. I can't go to sleep. I WONT go to sleep. - Evan Schnebler Punctuation issues: Apostrophes missing from contractions. "I WON(')T go to sleep", "No(,) no(,) this CAN(')T be happening." Closing punctuation missing/misused. "I'll write more in a couple days. I'm exhausted(.)", "In one of my dreams.(,) I woke up on dirt", "Something was pulling me in.(,) In a trance almost." Not spacing after punctuation (commas/periods/semicolons/etc.) "It replied, in that eerie,dark,demonic(space needed) voice. "I am Moccus, Come and Play (play) Evan!", " I figured I would write something today..To" Wording issues: "Nightmares, those nightmares that make you (your hair) stand up on end.", "It smelled much of rotting meat." (re-phrase), "The darkness of a room that I had no idea what it could be." (re-phrase), "a (an) energy drink", "IMMEDIATLEY" (immediately) Grammar: it's=it is, its=possession. "Its (it's) a scary creature.", "Now its (it's) time for revenge.". There/they're/their mix-ups: "Their (they're) all out" Capitalization issues: "Come and Play Evan!" Story issues: ignoring the 666 cliche, the shifting between the journal and the author doing something is hard to follow. (especially without a dividing line or separator.) The ending is nonsensical: "He then proceeded to gouge my eyes out. The pain was horrific. He stitched my mouth closed, I couldn't scream. I died that day in agony.. I suffered.. Now its (it's) time for revenge.. I am Moccus and I am re-living my nightmare.. (End of journal)" The protagonist died, but is still apparently writing the journal. Then the monster comes around and also writes something at the end. Why? I like to imagine this clawed, gaunt figure sitting at a computer trying to type out keys or trying to grab a pen in his hand without breaking it. It's a fairly generic and cliched ending. There were a lot of issues here. I suggest looking over the quality standards as most of these issues are mentioned there. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:15, February 17, 2015 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 22:47, June 9, 2015 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 23:08, June 9, 2015 (UTC)